And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize