Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Four minutes until I can fart!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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