totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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