I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize