are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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