DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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