we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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