my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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