i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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