At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize