How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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