ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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