The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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