Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are my feet made of real feet?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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