You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize