I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize