i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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