I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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