Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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