naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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