I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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