alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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