apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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