how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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