Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize