Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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