he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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