Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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