I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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