I need to stop coming to work sober
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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