Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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