anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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