the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize