i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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