I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize