Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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