this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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