remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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