Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
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I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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