I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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