my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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