So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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