I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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