if you like me you must not know who I am
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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