it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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