So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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