I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize