Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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