I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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