You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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