Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She said her name was "party"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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