I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize